You Know You're a Mother When ...
You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
Your kid throws up and you catch it.
Someone else's kid throws up at a party. You keep eating.
As you cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons, your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child eats.
You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "NOT in your good clothes!"
You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids. And automatically begin cutting his entree into tiny pieces.
You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.
You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job", but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything.
You get more excited about buying a new washer and dryer than a piece of fine jewelry.
You don’t hesitate in the least to swipe a booger from your child’s nose with your finger.
You find yourself singing along with the theme song to your child's favorite cartoon.
You forego buying badly needed new underwear for yourself in exchange for an adorable little outfit for your child.
Your washing machine never stops running.
You know what different colors of snot mean.
You have thousands of photos of your kids, but not a single one of yourself.
You hide your favorite flavor of yogurt in the back of the refrigerator.
The beds in your home all have a plastic sheet.
You know where every bathroom in the mall is.
Your comfy flannel pajamas look much more appealing than your naughty lingerie.
You buy bargain furniture because you won’t feel as bad when the kids destroy it.
You can unfold a stroller in two seconds flat.
You’re ecstatic when fruit snacks are 2-for-1 at the store—and you have a coupon!
You’re constantly checking the back seat of the car when you’re driving alone because it feels like you’re forgetting "something."
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